How to read a broadband advert

A broadband advert is a haiku written by a lawyer. Eighteen months of a household’s money have to fit into a poster that can be read from a bus. What survives in 120-point type is the monthly teaser and a speed with an “up to” in front of it. What pays for the poster is everything underneath.

The order to read it

1. Network and technology — full fibre, cable, or something older.
2. Average speed, then the “up to” ceiling. The average is the adult in the room.
3. Contract length and the promotional window. They are often not the same number of months.
4. The pounds-and-pence mid-contract rise, with its date.
5. Setup, delivery, installation, a “from” price that applies only with a paperless bill.
6. Who the advert is actually for: new customers, existing, students, social-tariff eligible.

Advertising rules in the UK have already pushed retailers toward average-speed claims rather than a lonely maximum. They have not pushed retailers toward putting first-year cost in the hero number. That is still your job, or a comparison’s job.

If a deal only works when you ignore the footer, it does not work.

What we refuse to echo

We will not say “free” when a router deposit or delivery charge exists. We will not say “unlimited” as if it were a personality. We will not say “no downtime” because One Touch Switch exists. We will not say “Ofcom-approved deal”. Ofcom does not bless posters. We will put mock catalogue data in a labelled box rather than in a fake urgency clock.

Once you can read an advert, a comparison table becomes almost easy. It is the same small print, arranged so the year is visible. That is the whole craft.

From, fibre, unlimited

The three words that do the most work. From needs the extras added back. Fibre needs a technology name. Unlimited needs a paragraph on radio. Screenshot the artefact. The ASA piece in this issue is where that screenshot goes. Your contract is still the provider.